The Nicest Thing!

A while back we were encouraged to post about the nicest thing another blogger had done for us. At the time, I didn't submit a post - not because I haven't been the recipient of any kind gestures her in the blogosphere, because I have - but simply because at that time, I was having a hard time recalling each and every incident of kindness that had been shown me, and I didn't want to slight anyone by just posting about what I could recall. However, today another blogger has gone the extra mile for me, by reaching out to assist me in overcoming a technical difficulty that I just happened to mention in a comment I made on her blog, so I've decided to thank her, publicly!

A few days ago, I visited Before My Time. I don't remember how or why I came across this blog, but while there, I noticed that the writer, "TK", was using Blogger, and that her wonderful video tributes to her Auntie Marceline were posted directly on her blog, something I had tried every which way (except the right way...lol) to do a couple of weeks ago when I posted my Sentimental Sunday - A Musical Tribute. Well, just as a result of my mentioning that I'd tried to do that, TK went out on an limb and sent me a private email with her phone number and an offer to explain to me just how she'd done it. She even offered to make the long distance call herself, if I wanted to send her my number. Wasn't that nice?

I received this email from TK earlier today, just as I was about to go out, so I wrote back and told her I'd give it one more try later in the day, and if it didn't work, I'd call her. So, that's exactly what I did. Needless to say, my attempts to post the video still didn't work, so I called TK, and within just a few quick minutes, she'd walked me through the necessary steps, and the video was on my blog!

The solution was a simple one, but it was one of those things you just had to "know" how to do. :) So, KUDOS, to TK for being a great new blog-friend, and THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

(And just to show off my new skills, here it is again!)

Wordless Wednesday - On The Farm

That's my daddy, Arthur P. Yarborough (behind the cow) and his first-cousin, George R. Greene. My dad lived with George's family during his teen years in Nash County, NC.

Sentimental Sunday - Holiday Blues

Here I am with my (ex)husband and daughters on one of our holiday visits to my Aunt Sue, in NC.

I know I've been a bit quiet lately. I've had a lot of my mind, and have conjoured up several potential posts there, but none have made it to the blog because I've realized that I'm not quite ready to divulge the entirety of my holiday-time misery - yet.

All my life I wanted a FAMILY. From the earliest years that I can remember - when I was about 4 or 5 - I used to question my parents about why we didn't have cousins and why I didn't have a sister (lol). As I got older, and noticed other families sharing the holidays with their relatives and having gatherings with tons of people who were all related to them, I began to realize that something was different about my family. Yes, I did know my two grandmothers, and my parents' siblings (each had a brother and a sister), but that was it. But, except for my paternal grandmother, with whom I had a close relationship, there didn't seem to be any ties that bound our little family of six to these other people. I constantly badgered my parents about this, even having full-out tantrums a couple of times because I wanted so much to experience the fun and joy that I noticed others enjoying when they were with their families. Not only that, but it was almost like my neighborhood friends belonged to some kind of secret society or something. I mean, why was it that whenever their cousins were over, they couldn't have company, or they didn't need me to play with anymore?

Anyway, to get to the point, one of my primary goals as a mother was to make sure that my children grew up in an environment rich with family, and steeped with traditions of togetherness and sharing that would stick with them forever. I began this quest before I ever even became a mother by reaching out to my siblings, aunts, and uncles from the time I was a teenager, traveling to visit with them and trying to make them a part of my life. When I did become a mother, I made sure that my children knew them, or knew of them. Their pictures were always displayed in our home, and we made sure to visit with those who lived nearby and make phone calls to those far away, on a regular basis, especially on the holidays. I guess I was trying to at least give my children a "sense" of family, if nothing else.

I got married,and during the years with my husband, it really seemed that we were creating that family-life that I'd longed for. Although we were distanced from his family in many ways, we seemed to become closer to mine, and we also had several friends whom we'd adopted as family, so our kids did have "cousins" and "aunties" and "uncles". We created and sustained a number of holiday traditions. Our children were thriving and happy, and so was I. But, in 1993, my husband decided that this was not what he wanted anymore, and he was gone. However, this did not stop me from continuing with the most of the traditions we'd created together. My famous sweet-potato casserole still was the hit of each Thanksgiving. My girls still snapped the beans and set the table. We still took our holiday light-ride. The girls still got to open one special gift on Christmas Eve (almost always new pajamas that they would sleep in that night) and I still read, "Twas the Night Before Christmas" while we all sipped on hot chocolate. Santa still came, and he (she) still sat up all night putting toys together,while munching on fresh-baked cookies that had been left out for him and his reindeer by my daughters. (Our Santa didn't drink milk, so usually there was some juice or a Coke to go along with the cookies.) And, we still took our holiday-time ride down to my father's birthplace in Louisburg, to visit with my aunt, who still lives there in the family home. Everything went on as it had before, sans the presence of a father/husband. But, for me, the dream had been busted. This wasn't the picture I'd had in my mind, and it never has been again. For a girl who'd grown up with Ward and June Cleaver and Mike and Carol Brady as my role models, my concept of "family" had been deeply disrupted.

Now, my days are spent quietly alone. Even though my daughters come home for the holidays, the preparation and aftermath tends to scream in silence without a spouse, sibling, or parent to share it with. The girls think it's silly that I wait for them to both get here (usually a day or two before Christmas) to put up the tree, but they always did it in the past, and I'm not quite ready for that to change. They put the tree up, I put the lights on, and then we decorated it together, while listening to Christmas music. That's the way it always was, and that's the way I want it to be - at least maybe until they have spouses and/or I have grandchildren.

This is not meant to be a sad story. My girls and I have had a blessed life together. However, the holidays are a challenging time for me, especially in these years since I've had my empty nest. Families are not like light bulbs. You can't just replace them when they "blow out". For whatever the reasons, most of my relatives have disconnected themselves from us since my mother became ill, choosing to go on with their lives, rather than to be a part of her care and support. Unfortunately, the timing of this coincided with the years that my daughters were graduating and leaving home, so it's left me a bit lonely, longing for the good old days, and wondering what might have been if so much hadn't changed.

Sentimental Sunday - A Musical Tribute

This Sentimental Sunday is extra-special because I am, for the very first time, going to post a video. Although I hadn't planned to post on this, the most emotional, and therefore, sentimental thing on my mind right now is the beautiful solo violin concert that my daughter, Natalia, gave last night, and the dedication that she made to me before playing the beautiful, Meditation (from Thais). It's been a long struggle being a single mom of not one, but two very intelligent, talented, and ACTIVE daughters, and I'm proud of the young women they've become. I don't seek recognition in any way, but whenever either of them does something to acknowledge our relationship, or to express appreciation, it blesses my heart.


So, genea-family, today it is with the greatest of SENTIMENT that I introduce you to my daughter, Natalia.



Enjoy!

Sentimental Sunday - SAS

Okay, so last week I laid claim to the creation of a new Blogging Theme - Sentimental Sunday - and then today I had a full day of BUSYNESS, and, although it was in the back of my mind all day, just didn't get around to doing the post. So, I decided to put if off til next week, but then.... I had to go and open my reader, and the first thing I saw was a Sentimental Sunday post by my genea-buddy, Luckie Daniels. So, with guilt setting in, let me get to typing before the clock strikes 12!

This Sunday, I want to honor the memory of my brother, Arthur, who was just 17 months older than I, and who passed away at the age of 23 from liver cancer. Arthur and I were like twins. We were so close in age that we did everything together. We had the same friends in the neighborhood, were just a grade apart in school, and fought like cats and dogs (lol), like all loving siblings do. :) Arthur is the only person with whom I shared my entire childhood. He knew all of my secrets, and I knew his. We shared the joys and pains of growing up in our rather dysfunctional family, and we provided that quiet, but solid support for each other through it all.

Arthur and I grew up in a time when kids made fun out of anything, and that's exactly what we did. We were Donny Hathaway and Roberta Flack ("Where is the Love?) and Cowboys and Indians. We built tents on our stairway, played hide-and-seek in the house, slid down the banister when our parents weren't looking, and competed to see who could jump from the highest step - and land on their feet. But one of my most cherished memories of fun times with my brother are those of us sneaking late night snacks after everyone in the house had gone to bed. Here's how it worked:

Arthur's room and mine were on opposite sides of the staircase, but our closet walls met above the front foyer. We would set our game plan before saying goodnight, and at an appointed time, we'd each go into our closets and listen for the special knock that meant the other was there, too. It was my job to check to be sure that my parents' door was closed, since my room was next to theirs, and Arthur would make sure that neither of my older brothers were around (which they never were). When the coast was clear, we'd knock in unison, and then creep out of our rooms to meet at the top of the stairs. One of us would go to the bathroom (so as to be able to flush the toilet for noise) while the other crept quietly down the steps to get our snack, which one of us had usually conveniently hidden in one of a few places downstairs. (Our favorite spot was the big wooden Dutch shoes that sat very close to the staircase in the dining room.) With the lookout standing just inside the bathroom door at the top of the stairs, the other would creep quietly back up, pass over the shared snack, and we'd each retreat back to our closets to eat it!

I can't quite figure out why Arthur and I had to go to these ends just to have a snack, but for us, the thrill of the adventure was worth it. Sometimes, I think my parents had to know what we were up to, but I guess as long as we weren't bothering them, they just let us have our fun!

My brother has been gone now for 25 years, but I think of him and miss him dearly every single day.

My First Award!

Wow... an award? For ME? That was my first reaction upon receiving the message from my genea-friend, Sandra, over at

I Never Knew My Father! I've noticed numerous awards on the pages of other bloggers, but I never knew how they got them, and I certainly didn't anticipate that I'd be the recipient of one anytime soon. But, thanks to one very faithful and supportive reader, I am! Thanks, Sandra! I am so honored that you chose me for the Kreativ Blogger award!

So, this award comes with a task (but a fun one). :) The winner has to list seven things about themselves, and then pass the award on to seven other bloggers. So, here goes!

1. I grew up in a neighborhood that had several very large families, with 6 or more children. Though there were only four of us, we had the biggest house. The other families seemed (were) so much closer than ours, and I was always jealous of that. I grew up believing that small houses = close families, and was determined to never live in a big house.

2. I never planned to have a career outside the home. When I was growing up, my goals were to be a wife and a mother. I saw those roles as the two most important in the world (and still do) and had hoped to make it my business to be the best at both of them. (The wife thing didn't work out, but I've done well as a mother!)

3. Now, if you put #1 and #2 together, you might not be surprised to know that I'd imagined myself having anywhere between six and fourteen (yep, 14) children. We were going to live in a tiny house, and have a tiny car that we drove around in. Isn't that special? (LOL)

4. My favorite place to be is by the water. If I could, I'd live in a house on the beach in a year-round warm location, and live simply, spending my days writing and absorbing the beautiful sights and sounds of the ocean.

5. My life-long goal has been to travel to Africa. I want to visit Kenya, South Africa, Ghana, Niger, and maybe Nairobi. While there I'd like to take a safari and visit Oprah's school. And, now that my DNA is finally being tested (via my cousin Avon), I hope to be able to visit whatever part of the continent it is determined that my ancestors came from!

6. My dream job would be to work as a dean at the Oprah Winfrey Leadership Academy for Girls in South Africa.

7. One of my biggest personal regrets is that I didn't stick with learning to play the piano when I was younger. I absolutely love to play, but my skill level is stuck at the point where it was when I was about nine years old. I'm reteaching myself right now, but will soon take the leap into adult piano lessons.

Wow. That was hard to do! For me it was challenging to think of seven things I wanted to share that I haven't already mentioned someplace in my blog!

Now for the fun part. Pass the award on to seven bloggers. I'm going to shorten my list by one. Here are my choices:

Conversations With My Ancestors (Mavis)

Our Georgia Roots (Luckie)

Taneya's Genealogy Blog (Taneya)

Reclaiming Kin (msualumni)

Roots'n'Leaves (Joan)

And.....(drumroll).... I know this might be unusual, but I'd like to encourage a brand new blogger, whose blog name is so creative (or kreativ) and has really impressed me. So, for creating a "kreativ" blog name:

My Colored Roots (Darlene)

Thanks again, Sandra, for this wonderful recognition, and for giving me something to do in the wee hours of the morning when, for some reason, I couldn't sleep! :)

Renate

Sentimental Sunday

Today I've been inspired by the heartfelt writings of two of my blog-friends, Luckie Daniels over at Our Georgia Roots, and Sandra Taliaferro at I Never Knew My Father. Both of these fellow researchers posted from their hearts today, and in both cases, their writings were a diversion from the usual genealogy-based subject matter. Instead, Luckie expressed her gratitude for her friends in the blogging community in her post, "So Thankful" http://ourgeorgiaroots.com/?p=1179, while Sandra shared her frustration about having "Blogger's Block" in a beautifully-written post http://ineverknewmyfather.blogspot.com/2009/11/bloggers-block.html (which showed that she can write, even when she isn't trying)!

I connected so immediately with what was written in both of these posts, that I ended up responding with comments that almost sounded like posts themselves, so I decided that I just had to share these writings with my readers. So, head on over to Luckie and Sandra's pages to see what they are talking about. If you don't follow their blogs already, I guarantee you, you'll be swept in by their writings and adding them to your feed in no time at all!

Meanwhile, the ancestors are nudging me to create a new blogging theme because of all of this. I will call it, "Sentimental Sunday" (if you haven't guessed that already). Starting next week, I'd like to encourage everyone to share a sentimental story or memory of an ancestor or family member, or if you'd like, use Sunday as an opportunity to share your feelings about the blogosphere, and the effect it's had on your life and your research! Happy blogging everyone, and have a great week!

Renate